The Station Called Hope
My God and I: A Spiritual Memoir
In all honesty, the book at first glance is unassuming with a light brownish book jacket and faded effigy of the author’s countenance.
The writer is neither part of the popular Christian subculture of literary sensationalism and the supposed “inspirational” genre – with the likes of Warren, Ortberg, Osteen, Hybels and what-have-you; nor the aridity of the high and mighty scholars of the academia who write more for themselves than the world at large.
The late Lewis Smedes was a theologian and academic, serving in Fuller Theological Seminary as Professor Emeritus of Theology and Ethics before his sudden promotion into glory. My God and I was Smedes at his literary best, a memoir penned with the heart and soul of a man who strived to live as honestly and transparently as he could in the face of an ever changing and evolving Christianity. He was somewhat of a reluctant convert. Never in his life did he imagine serving God in the one place he never truly excelled – the academic arena.
Tracing his roots back to the Anabaptist tradition in the midst of a fervent Dutch Reformed culture, the first four chapters tell the story of his heritage – through the vantage point of his maternal grandmother Beppe Tjitske, father Melle Smedes, mother Renske and culminating in his father’s untimely death at the age of 33.
His writing is down-to-earth and straightforward – absent is the theological gobbledygook – in a style that’s reminiscent of the contemplative literature of the Catholics, this memoir beats to a different drum than most contemporary Protestant writers.
With his roots firmly in place, Smedes continued his journey through the rebellion of his adolescence – his experiences in school as well as church – and the poignant moments that shaped his thinking. After high school, he took to the streets to work, along the way feeling all the more weary and lonely, unfulfilled and empty. His enrolment into Moody Bible Institute in Chicago was to be an eye-opener for him. Whether or not it was a spiritually defining moment, is up to the reader to interpret.
Yet, the experiences of spiritual hype made him wary of the piety of radical evangelism that is void of a robust intellectualism that he would soon learn at Calvin College. In this liberal arts college affiliated with the Christian Reformed Church, the young Smedes began to accept the Calvinist model of the world, as well as the community of like-minded folk. Of course, he did not agree with every “jot and tittle” of this tradition, but he liked the orderliness, sobriety and respect for education.
You can sense a very human Smedes throughout – the memoir is filled with revelations of his thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes in an escalating crescendo from childhood to adulthood, one school to another, and one vocation to another. You can read about the constant struggles with his inner demons, intellectual conflicts with the dogmatism of his Reformed faith, and the slight disdain for the religiosity of contemporary Christendom. My God and I has a place indeed in the immortal classics of Christian spirituality, written by a man who learned to grow old in grace and confidence – who “liked the last miles of the journey better than the first.”
On December 19, 2002, Lewis Smedes finally “met the train at the station called hope and arrived at his journey’s end.”
Benjamin Chew handles marketing communications in SKS Books Warehouse, a Christian bookstore in Singapore. He attends and serves at Church of God (Evangelical). Benjamin is a voracious reader, passionate about writing, and enjoys watching movies. He is the proud father of Samuel and most recently, newborn Sarah.